Netflix Is Full Of Mitt

Yesterday I started seeing an online Netflix ad for a Mitt Romney documentary, “MITT”,  that it’s showing exclusively. It’s a chance to get to know the Mittens you never knew.  And boy– are they right! Mitt’s showing us—hey, I’m just like you—with mussed hair above a pair of tired,  faintly hopeful eyes looking at the camera as if saying, “Do you accept me now?”  Mittens allowed tousling of his perfectly coiffed and dyed hair? Wow, it’s the FIRST thing I now know that I never knew!

But once the afterglow of discovery fades away, a gnawing question replaces it: why this documentary showing the “human” side of Romney now? If he possesses any reason—as opposed to intelligence—he’ll never run for president again.  So, what could be behind this? Hmmm…Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick is ending his term this year and has announced he won’t seek reelection.  Is Romney thinking that with the presidency forever out of his reach he just might try to return to the seat of his former glory? That would be very Mittens-like but since he hasn’t announced he’s running or set up an exploratory committee that I know of, it’s just conjecture on my part.

The Utah governor, Gary Herbert, just started his second term, but who wants to be the new governor of a state that officially refuses to recognize gay marriage and deprives little school kids of their unpaid lunches by throwing them in the garbage—right in front of them? That’s not the tousled-haired Mittens I know!

The House of Representatives is too small to hold a man of Romney’s wealth so that leaves the Senate.  No open seats in Utah and I think Massachusetts voters won’t be venturing back into the dark Right side any time soon. So, this leaves the Massachusetts governor’s office as his only possible target.  I mean, there had to be reason why Mitten’s guys paid Netflix all that money to run their vanity project.  And the director of this epic, inside look at the Mittens we preferred to stay far away from as opposed to wanting to get up close and personal? Greg Whiteley, with only two other credits to his name:  “New York Doll” which examined an ex-member of the New York Dolls who renounced his past when he became a Mormon, and “Resolved”, a documentary on high school debates that for some reason puts Koch Bros. employee SCOTUS Justice Sammy Alito front and center.  Either he was one of the high school debaters or that’s how he got his judging experience.

It took six years to make this documentary. Why did it take so long? It probably took that long for Whiteley to film enough footage to make Mitten’s life look interesting enough to fill 90 minutes.

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