Well, sir, another Christmas come and gone and Fox’s Annual” War On Christmas” Christmas Special has been met with its annual defeat, ensuring it will be back next year for Fox’s Annual” War On Christmas” Christmas Special. You see, the only people waging war against Christmas are the ones on Fox ranting about a war on Christmas. They are, in fact, waging war against the way most of us celebrate Christmas, which is not the way THEY want us to celebrate it. In the Fox world, nobody wants to see a nativity scene with the little baby Jesus anywhere outside of church or private property, which is true. But that still leaves a ton of places to see the costumed doll replicas of the little baby Jesus but Fox apparently has never bothered to find out where any of them are, otherwise it wouldn’t be a “war”, would it?
Yes, it may be company or school district policy for employees to wish “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” but off-work these same employees can wish whatever they want to whoever they want. So what it comes down to is that Fox and the Far Right are the only ones waging a War on Christmas and you know what? Fox always starts the war at Christmas not just because it IS Christmas time, but because TV viewership is down across the board as people are out or online shopping for gifts or groceries for holiday meals, making holiday gifts, and just doing what many people do during the holidays. This is why all the major TV shows have what is now called their mid-season finales (that would be a whole other column) BEFORE Thanksgiving and stay in reruns into after the first of the year or until Spring. Fox still has hungry, high-paid celebrity mouths to feed during the holiday season so they have to draw in the viewers to watch their TV commercials and so we get the annual War on Christmas, brought to by these fine sponsors who I would personally boycott if I knew who they were but I never watch Fox so I don’t. A state of bliss can be achieved through ignorance.
My point is, I guarantee that despite the phony but ratings-based Fox War on Christmas everyone who wanted to celebrate Christmas in their own way—did. Crèches were in abundance, “Merry Christmas” was uttered on 100s of millions of lips, and no one was arrested by the Secret Police for violating the United States secular holiday celebratory protocols. In fact, President and Michelle Obama in their Christmas Day radio address wished all Americans both “Happy Holidays” and “Merry Christmas”, thereby covering all religious—and non–bases.
Seems to me that if Fox wants to pick the attackers in the War on Christmas, why don’t they take on all the retail stores and restaurants who force their employees to work on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Nothing says War on Christmas like depriving your employees of actually celebrating the holiday with their family and friends. The War on Christmas is being pursued by so many of these companies because, to them, the War on Thanksgiving was an unqualified success. But the problem here is, too many of the employers waging a War on Christmas also advertise on Fox and so, well, it can’t really be considered a war even though those companies make their employees wish customers “Happy Holidays” and there’s not a little baby Jesus in sight, because the business of war is business and Fox never met a corporate business which exploits its employees that it didn’t like—a lot. To Fox, if they perceive the Left doing it, it’s a war. If corporations do it, it’s business.
Of course, if Fox wanted to report on a real war, there are several to choose from: the war on women, the war on voting rights, the war on minorities, the war on gays, the war on the poor, the war on workers, the war on public schools, wars all and all being waged by the…GOP, who are among the fine but unnamed sponsors of Fox. So, you’ll never hear of any of those wars on Fox, actual wars in which lives have been lost by women denied legal abortions, by people denied health care, by people denied federal cash, food, and medical assistance, by people being denied protection under the law and harassed or even murdered by racists and bigots; lives being destroyed by denying people their Constitutional right to vote and have a say in how their government affects them, by denying workers a living wage and shipping their careers overseas and replacing them with minimum wage jobs with no benefits, and by denying decent education to children so that US test scores for school children rank among the lowest in the world, and by allowing corporations to rob people of their investments and life savings while failing to punish a single CEO or high-ranking executive who allowed it all to happen and made billions off of other people’s financial losses.
But all those wars make Fox viewers uneasy because they don’t or can’t understand what’s going on and how they’re personally being victimized. But they can all understand a Gretchen Carlson claiming she and her little children can’t see the little baby Jesus from her car in the Florida state capitol rotunda because of a Festivus pole made from beer cans standing in its way, despite the facts that Carlson couldn’t see that little baby Jesus from her car since it was an indoors display, and because Carlson lives in Connecticut and works in New York.
So, the Fox War On Christmas (hope Fox didn’t trademark that phrase) is actually a War On Logic. If there were actually an annual war on Christmas, the drones would be filling the skies as they set off for their target Crèches and Christmas tree lots, and uniformed soldiers would be breaking into houses with Merry Christmas written on windows or in lights and employees would be handcuffed and frog marched off to secret prisons where they water board “Merry Christmas” wishers and force them to watch “Life Of Brian” 24/7 with their eyes kept perpetually open with clamps and steel hooks…things.
But Fox and the Far Right know that there’s no war on Christmas so they fill their viewers with fear and in effect imprison them in their own homes watching Fox 24/7 causing some of them to, perhaps, miss Christmas. Wonder if Gretchen Carlson would ever drive her kids around to see THAT?