Catholic Sin vs. Jewish Guilt

The Catholic religion is based on Original Sin. We’re all born sinners who must have that sin baptized away in the name of Jesus Christ.  In fact  Mormons are so worried about dirty sinners they proxy baptize dead Jews as a public service just to be safe. Not sure if they baptize dead Muslims though; there could be a language barrier and their dead might misunderstand and think the Mormons are trying to drown the death out of them. Last thing you want in the afterlife is a jihad.

Catholics blow it all at birth by being baptized. I used to have to schlep my dirty clothes weekly to a laundromat, plug in the coins, wait for it to be done, and then schlep them home again. What a hassle. That’s what Catholic confession is like. When their soul gets dirty again—as it always will–they have to schlep their sins to confession, plug in a few “Hail Mary”s,  wait for the absolution cycle to be done so they can schlep their newly-washed souls home.  This can be a weekly event for some Catholics. And I’m told the magazines inside the confessionals aren’t very good.

The Jewish religion is based on guilt, in fact, it thrives on it. You have to feel guilty about something in order to be forgiven for it. A Jew just says “Oy, I shouldn’t have had that extra piece of pizza. I’m all bloated now. God, what a mistake that was!” In the morning, God has foregiven the overeating and allowed digestion to get rid of the bloat. THAT’S the way religion should work!

You might ask why do Jews need to feel guilty over everything? Don’t ask. Guilt, for want of a better word, is good. Guilt works. You don’t cross the Red Sea because you feel sinful. You cross the Red Sea because you feel guilty that if Moses goes by himself he might fall down on the Sinai Peninsula and skin his knee or something.

Personally, if I belonged to a religion where I had to practically drown my newborn baby to wash its soul clean, I would feel as guilty as sin.